Toxic Doesn't Always Mean Intimate

When people hear the phrase “toxic relationships” it is usually associated with romance or intimacy, as if toxic can’t apply to your family and friends.  And by family, this includes friends, children, parents, siblings, aunties, cousins, uncles; the whole family reunion crew!

In the black community we are firm believers of “family over everything”.  Our obligations to one another are morally binding and we take on responsibilities that may be beyond our capacity.  You probably can’t imagine telling your grandma you need some space because she’s messing up your feng shui, lol.  First off all grandma will tell you to straighten up and speak right and by “right” she means miss her with the feng shui ish!

We endure so much as a community so sometimes the idea of “needing space” is synonymous with “turning your back on family”. You may think, “how could I possibly turn my back on family when we all we got”. But we seriously have to explore the method of setting healthy boundaries. These boundaries include may physical, intellectual, emotional, and time.  You have the right to create the space that serves you peace and this may require separating yourself from those you love.  DEEP BREATHS, beautiful people, separation isn’t the finality of the relationship.  Actually, making the effort to create healthy boundaries may save the relationship overall.

I want you to take a moment and think of what space means to you.  Is it your car, apartment, office, ears or social media post that’s being hijacked with negativity? Consider your role in the toxicity of the relationship.  Is someone invading your space or have you given an open invitation?  Are you entering the negative spaces even when no one has asked of your presence or opinion? Basically living for the drama yet complaining of being so drained by it all! If so, repeat after me and tell yourself, “I will mind the business that pays me in peace and coins”.  

5 SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

1)   You feel drained after brief interactions

2)   You always say YES to their request even if it means abandoning your own responsibilities

3)   You are constantly trying to change their perspective

4)   You are unable to call on them for support in your time of need

5)   You find yourself considering whether the relationship is worth the trouble

5 TIPS FOR SETTING HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES

1)   Ask yourself what role you play in disruption of your peace

2)   Schedule a daily time where you are simply unavailable to others

3)   STOP inserting yourself in situations that will remain the same whether you show up or not  

4)   Make a list of costs and benefits of changing nothing then repeat steps 1-3 when you see how costly lack of peace is

5)   Finally, protect your peace like your life depends on it because, well, it does